To the family 😔

To the family

To be honest no, I’m not okay. I’ve not been comfortable or okay around a guy sexually or romantically in a long time not sure when it happened but over the course of life itself whether good or bad, in all directions this is the outcome of mine.

I can’t be free dating or be together with a guy, man, or a male right now… perhaps ever.

It’s not your fault. Thing’s happens all the time. There can be a lot of factors, sure, but since life happens there’s no need to go back. It doesn’t change the present or the future because the past will always be the past. It’s unchangeable. 

Don’t blame yourself and don’t judge, please and I wouldn’t do the same of all the preconceived wrongs there is in the world. Either you know or you know. 

I’m still the same but love differently I’m aware you all want and require peace as of everyone involved. 

If we are supposed to be a family unit this part of me needs to be accepted – it’s none negotiable I feel. From the depts of my heart I want you to accept it but I can’t force you into doing things you don’t want. I’m aware we all have free will and this is what it is.

If you want me to be healthy mind body and soul, for my mental wellbeing this has to be an okay. I know it’s a lot and a process to behold with all the traditions, doctrines and so forth but this is what it is surely I’ll give you the time and space you need.

This is how we heal. Everybody has their free will to do as they please. God knows all, at the end of the day, and wouldn’t allow things to be if it wasn’t so so it all comes down to this will we choose peace will we be a unity of acceptance and prosperity as a family? 

If you’re open to talk we can, but I’m not open to talk to change my mind.

For those that are religious I’ve already prayed about this as you pray about things. Don’t let your mind get into the way of your heart that’s not where God resides.  

And if you’re thinking about kids well it’s a new day and age and the possibilities are endless.

Thankful for you.

I’m thankful because you didn’t leave.
I’m grateful because you stay. I’m grateful because even if you are far away you choose to stay. Thunder, rain and storms and lillies blossoms in spring and summer, even fall – you still here this I’m grateful for.

Sometimes I ponder if I go away and even make it so will you still be here.

I don’t cry like normal people… perhaps I

do, which is not at all. Sometimes I wish things where different but I’m grateful for you.

Green makes all things better in this day and age.

I’m thankful for you G.

You a real one.

Can I be free (poem)

Can I be free

You say be free like a broken record.

You say be free like I want to be.

But you judge and throw shots. 

I hide, and I hide. 

I hide. 

Every day, every minute, every… every.

You don’t know.

You don’t fucking know.

All of you don’t fucking know or care.

I’m bleeding. 

I’m bleeding in pain and in ache every fucking day in silence because my freedom doesn’t count in your eyes.

I have to go. 

And if I do in your eyes I’ll hope I won’t be the villain, the bad guy. The cause of…

You can’t get into my auric field, or my state of mind because all you do is use and abuse and the devil (entities) still lingers around you.

This is why you can’t hear me.

This is why you can’t see me.

This is why you can’t feel me.

This is why you couldn’t or can.

I know you try, you all do.

I can’t go down with you, with them, with y’all 

If I can’t be me, if I can’t be free.

I cannot, I refuse too.

This ache

This pain

This trauma 

These tears.

My heart is aching and I don’t want to be no more.

I don’t want to be dead and not living.

I cannot I don’t want to.

I’m sorry.

For you.

Remember, B

I love you.

not by words but by actions.

I’m sorry but I’m not the one

I’m sorry I let you down but I’m not the one. I don’t want to carry your pain or your energy. You deserve someone better.

I am not the one.

You should know by patterns as I recognize them so well.

To be riding  waves with me isn’t for your best at all.

Even if you don’t say it’s no biggie emotions speaks louder than silence.

It’s the patterns.

We were as I knew and let you know never on the same page of frequency.

Stop holding on. Let go. Let be and be free.

I’m sorry I’m not the one.

I know you’re hurting that’s what I’m moving away because to be riding the waves with someone like me in your condition would be detrimental in the long run, even now.

Take care.

In all the ways that is

I’m sorry I’m not the one.


Channeled message: Wishing on a feather

I feel like I am crying

all the time in my sleep

wishing I could hold you…

console you.

For a while I thought it was you and me

and then you went up and left.

How could you leave?

Why did you leave?

Baby please, please… please!

I wish for your return.

I am wishing for your return

that we can make it better.

Let’s make this better.